THE DRAGON WHO BURPED

By Allen Lyne

©††† 2003

†††††† Allen Lyne

†††††† 8 Redgate Court

†††††† Moana Heights

†††††† South Australia5169

†††††† Ph (08) 8 327 4142

 

THE WIZARD RUNS IN.† HE IS UPSET.†

 

Wizard

Ohhhhh, dear oh dear oh dear oh dear.Has anyone

here seen my wand or my book of spells?† Anyone?

I can't remember where on earth I left them. How about you?

Have you seen them?

 

THE WIZARD PLAYS THE AUDIENCE. WHEN HE FAILS

TO FIND THE BOOK OF SPELLS OR WAND, HE RUNS OUT,

WAILING AS HE GOES.

THE PRINCE ENTERS.

 

Prince

How ya doin little dudes?† ...Iím the Prince of this here palace.

My name is Prince Cutmorelunches.† What a dumb name.† Wish

I had another one.† Anyway, itís good to see you all here today.

Maybe you can help with a problem here in the kingdom.† See,

We got this old Wizard dude, you know, Merlin?† Did you see

him before?† He was looking for his wand and his book of spells.†

He can never find anything.

 

MERLIN BUSTLES THROUGH AGAIN, STILL LOOKING FOR

HIS WAND AND BOOK OF SPELLS

 

Prince

Well, our kingdomís been such a quiet and peaceful place for so many years

that heís forgotten all the spells and chants and things he learned at Wizard

School, and he hasnít got his book to look them up.† Thereís this pesky Dragon

thatís arrived here in the Kingdom.† Itís burping without saying Ďexcuse meí, and

itís being naughty all the time.† When Queen Goodwash comes in, she mustnít

find out about the Dragon.† You wonít tell her, will you?† She thinks itís the Wizard

whoís burping.† If she finds out thereís a Dragon running around the kingdom

burping and being naughty and that the Wizard canít stop him, sheíll get real

mad at the Wizard.† You wonít tell the Queen, will you...?

 

THE QUEEN ENTERS.† SHE IS DUSTING AND HUMMING UNDER HER

BREATH.

 

Queen

Oh, this place is so dusty, dirty and smelly.† It used to be a nice, clean kingdom

once.† Whatever is going on around here?

 

THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS.† THE QUEEN STOPS WHAT SHE IS

DOING AND LOOKS FIXEDLY AT THE AUDIENCE.

 

Queen

Who said that?† ...Who made that rude noise?† ...It was one of you, wasnít it?

Prince

Err... it wasnít the little dudes, your majesty.† It was me.

Queen

You?

Prince

Yes, me, sorry, Queen Goodwash.

Queen

Well say excuse me when you make that awful noise.

Where are your manners?

Prince

Sorry, excuse me.

Queen

Youíve been eating chicken nuggets and chips again, havenít you?

They always make people burp.

Prince

Yes, your majesty.

Queen

Itís bad enough that Iíve got that silly old Wizard wandering around the

kingdom burping without saying excuse me, without you doing the same

thing, Prince Cutmorelunches.† Where is the Wizard?

Prince

He was in the west wing of the palace trying to find something last time I saw him.

Queen

Next time you see him, tell him to cast a spell to stop the two of you burping.

 

THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS.† THE QUEEN QUICKLY LOOKS

AT THE AUDIENCE.

 

Prince

Uh, excuse me.

Queen

You had a fizzy drink with your chicken nuggets and chips, didnít you...?

Iím going to have a nice lie down.† Iím very tired.† That Wizard kept me awake

all night last night with his burping.† You be sure to tell the Wizard what I said

when you see him, wonít you?

Prince

Uh, what was that again?

Queen

Oh, do try to pay attention, Prince Cutmorelunches.† Tell the Wizard that he must

cast a spell to stop the two of you burping all the time.

Prince

Yes, your majesty.

Queen

And if the Prince forgets, (TO AUDIENCE)† you tell him, will you please?

 

THE QUEEN EXITS.

 

Prince

So there you go.† Big problem.† We got this dragon burping and being rude all

over the place, a Wizard who canít do his spells anymore, and a Queen who

gets real mad.

 

EXCUSE ME SONG.

 

Prince

If the Queen finds out about the Dragon, I donít know what will happen to

the poor old Wizard.† I think the Queen will probably get a new Wizard.†

Maybe you can help.† What do you say...?† Okay, hereís the deal.† Any time

you hear that nasty old Dragon burp, I want you all to shout out Ďexcuse meí.

Can you all do that for me?† Letís have a practise.† Iíll pretend Iím the Dragon

and Iíll burp and you all shout out Ďexcuse meí.† Are you ready?

THE PRINCE BURPS.

Prince

The Queen doesnít hear very well.† Can we all say excuse me a bit louder.

THE PRINCE PLAYS THIS UNTIL HE GETS A LOUD RESPONSE.

Prince

Yeah, thatís it.† That was really good.† Okay, Iím going to look for the Wizard

and tell him whatís going on.

 

THE PRINCE EXITS AND THE WIZARD COMES IN.

 

Wizard

Ooooooooooooh. Ooooooooooooh. Ooooooooooooh, dear oh dear oh dear oh

dear, whatever shall I do.† I canít find my book of spells or my wand anywhere.†

Has anyone seen my book of spells?† ...How about my wand?† Has anyone here

seen that?† ...No?† Ooooooooooooh.

 

THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS.† THE QUEEN SCREAMS FROM OFF.

THE WIZARD JUMPS.HE MOUTHS EXCUSE ME AT THE AUDIENCE IF THEY

ARE SLOW RESPONDING.THE DRAGON BURPS AGAIN AND EXITS.

 

Wizard

Ooooooooooooh, that awful Dragon will get me into so

much trouble.† What do you think the Queen will say if I

canít find my book of spells and turn him into a nice Dragon..?

 

Indeed, what will the Queen say?† Or do?† Will the Wiz get the

unkindest cut of all?† Can the prince or wizard find the book of

spells before the queen finds out?

For the answers to these questions, send me an email and

Tell me you want to produce this very funny kids' play.† We ran

It every Sunday for a year.