THE DRAGON WHO BURPED
By Allen Lyne
†††††† Allen Lyne
†††††† 8 Redgate Court
†††††† Moana Heights
†††††† South Australia† 5169
†††††† Ph (08) 8 327 4142
THE WIZARD RUNS IN.† HE IS UPSET.†
Ohhhhh, dear oh dear oh dear oh dear.† Has anyone
here seen my wand or my book of spells?† Anyone?
I can't remember where on earth I left them. How about you?
Have you seen them?
THE WIZARD PLAYS THE AUDIENCE. WHEN HE FAILS
TO FIND THE BOOK OF SPELLS OR WAND, HE RUNS OUT,
WAILING AS HE GOES.
THE PRINCE ENTERS.
How ya doin little dudes?† ...Iím the Prince of this here palace.
My name is Prince Cutmorelunches.† What a dumb name.† Wish
I had another one.† Anyway, itís good to see you all here today.
Maybe you can help with a problem here in the kingdom.† See,
We got this old Wizard dude, you know, Merlin?† Did you see
him before?† He was looking for his wand and his book of spells.†
He can never find anything.
MERLIN BUSTLES THROUGH AGAIN, STILL LOOKING FOR
HIS WAND AND BOOK OF SPELLS
Well, our kingdomís been such a quiet and peaceful place for so many years
that heís forgotten all the spells and chants and things he learned at Wizard
School, and he hasnít got his book to look them up.† Thereís this pesky Dragon
thatís arrived here in the Kingdom.† Itís burping without saying Ďexcuse meí, and
itís being naughty all the time.† When Queen Goodwash comes in, she mustnít
find out about the Dragon.† You wonít tell her, will you?† She thinks itís the Wizard
whoís burping.† If she finds out thereís a Dragon running around the kingdom
burping and being naughty and that the Wizard canít stop him, sheíll get real
mad at the Wizard.† You wonít tell the Queen, will you...?
THE QUEEN ENTERS.† SHE IS DUSTING AND HUMMING UNDER HER
Oh, this place is so dusty, dirty and smelly.† It used to be a nice, clean kingdom
†once.† Whatever is going on around here?
THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS.† THE QUEEN STOPS WHAT SHE IS
DOING AND LOOKS FIXEDLY AT THE AUDIENCE.
Who said that?† ...Who made that rude noise?† ...It was one of you, wasnít it?
Err... it wasnít the little dudes, your majesty.† It was me.
Yes, me, sorry, Queen Goodwash.
Well say excuse me when you make that awful noise.
Where are your manners?
Sorry, excuse me.
Youíve been eating chicken nuggets and chips again, havenít you?
They always make people burp.
Yes, your majesty.
Itís bad enough that Iíve got that silly old Wizard wandering around the
kingdom burping without saying excuse me, without you doing the same
thing, Prince Cutmorelunches.† Where is the Wizard?
He was in the west wing of the palace trying to find something last time I saw him.
Next time you see him, tell him to cast a spell to stop the two of you burping.
THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS.† THE QUEEN QUICKLY LOOKS
AT THE AUDIENCE.
Uh, excuse me.
You had a fizzy drink with your chicken nuggets and chips, didnít you...?
Iím going to have a nice lie down.† Iím very tired.† That Wizard kept me awake
all night last night with his burping.† You be sure to tell the Wizard what I said
when you see him, wonít you?
Uh, what was that again?
Oh, do try to pay attention, Prince Cutmorelunches.† Tell the Wizard that he must
cast a spell to stop the two of you burping all the time.
Yes, your majesty.
And if the Prince forgets, (TO AUDIENCE)† you tell him, will you please?
THE QUEEN EXITS.
So there you go.† Big problem.† We got this dragon burping and being rude all
over the place, a Wizard who canít do his spells anymore, and a Queen who
gets real mad.
EXCUSE ME SONG.
If the Queen finds out about the Dragon, I donít know what will happen to
the poor old Wizard.† I think the Queen will probably get a new Wizard.†
Maybe you can help.† What do you say...?† Okay, hereís the deal.† Any time
you hear that nasty old Dragon burp, I want you all to shout out Ďexcuse meí.
Can you all do that for me?† Letís have a practise.† Iíll pretend Iím the Dragon
and Iíll burp and you all shout out Ďexcuse meí.† Are you ready?
THE PRINCE BURPS.
The Queen doesnít hear very well.† Can we all say excuse me a bit louder.
THE PRINCE PLAYS THIS UNTIL HE GETS A LOUD RESPONSE.
Yeah, thatís it.† That was really good.† Okay, Iím going to look for the Wizard
and tell him whatís going on.
THE PRINCE EXITS AND THE WIZARD COMES IN.
Ooooooooooooh. Ooooooooooooh. Ooooooooooooh, dear oh dear oh dear oh
dear, whatever shall I do.† I canít find my book of spells or my wand anywhere.†
Has anyone seen my book of spells?† ...How about my wand?† Has anyone here
seen that?† ...No?† Ooooooooooooh.
THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS.† THE QUEEN SCREAMS FROM OFF.
THE WIZARD JUMPS.† HE MOUTHS EXCUSE ME AT THE AUDIENCE IF THEY
ARE SLOW RESPONDING.† THE DRAGON BURPS AGAIN AND EXITS.
Ooooooooooooh, that awful Dragon will get me into so
much trouble.† What do you think the Queen will say if I
canít find my book of spells and turn him into a nice Dragon..?
Indeed, what will the Queen say?† Or do?† Will the Wiz get the
unkindest cut of all?† Can the prince or wizard find the book of
spells before the queen finds out?
For the answers to these questions, send me an email and
Tell me you want to produce this very funny kids' play.† We ran
It every Sunday for a year.